8 months ago today I gave birth to the most amazing little person on the face of the planet! I then gave birth to the placenta that nourished him for 9 months. And I then gave birth to a 28 pound of guilt, worry, and doubt that comes along with being a mom. (Don't worry, this post is not depressing, I'm just thinking out loud here!)
One of my friends said it best when she said "you give birth to your child and then you give birth to your guilt that you carry with you for the rest of your life." Guilt - the constant burden of wondering if you did everything right, if you should have done things differently, if you say no and mean no will it affect them negatively in the future, etc. I try to keep my guilt at bay thinking that I love him with everything I have - no one can deny that. And I will ALWAYS do what is best for him first. He will never doubt that I love him. He will always know that I am proud to be his mom. He will never do anything that will make me love him any less. I will always look at him with the googley eyes that I have for him now. He will always be my meaning and purpose. I look forward to raising him into adulthood! (And there it is - that's the part that gets me. Am I doing the right things? Am I teaching him the right things? Am I disciplining him in the right ways?) These questions have always been in my head, but came to the forefront in my brain yesterday.
(All of this is going somewhere, I promise. It is a bit of a ramble, but there is a point.) We went for a well baby check-up at his doctor yesterday and discussed a lot of things. Shots being one of them - he was on board with giving just one shot at a time instead of overloading him with 6 at once. I feel much better about that. We will be able to target the one that causes his little body so much grief and possibly put it off until he is a little bit older. A reasonable request he said. (Phew.) The second thing we discussed was eating. He asked how he was doing eating solid foods. I kind of chuckled and said "he's not." He will occasionally eat whatever we are eating - or at least try it, but he is still getting 100% of his nutrition via breastmilk. I am not concerned about this as he will eat when he is good and ready to eat, but his doctor seemed to be more concerned with it than I thought necessary. He went on a long spill about how I needed to leave and let Casey starve him basically until he starts eating solid food. Hmm. If any of you know me you know that sounded like a whole lot of B.S. to me. We are NOT going to starve him to make him eat solid foods. Not happening. He does take food off a spoon and swallows it occasionally. When he wants and what he wants. He eats yogurt, ice cream, and sweet potatoes. (I know you are laughing - leave it up to my child to want ice cream first then his veggies, but so long as he eats it we will keep offering it to him. He's not overweight by any stretch of the imagination.)
(My rant and rambling are not over yet - just a warning because this is getting wordy.) So, then his doctor says "this sounds like a behavior issue to me. Does he have other behavior issues?" Behavior issue? Really? At 8 months? Are you kidding? He is a wonderfully happy, healthy, strong-willed little guy. I was angry at first at the first mention of this possibly, somehow being my fault as his mother. The thought that I was somehow letting him get away with this negative behavior by not forcing him to eat nearly sent me over the edge. (I'm not kidding.) And then I started questioning EVERYTHING I have done this far as his mom. (I know. I know. But I think it is normal for every single mother to question herself all throughout life. Especially when someone points something out that you may or may not be doing wrong.) Before you get ahead of yourself, please know that I CAN and DO listen to constructive criticism (believe it or not) and have called many of my mom friends and have asked and heeded advice on many occasions, but I am strong willed myself and tend to figure things out on my own.
After laying in bed all night questioning every single thing I have done, questioning if I am raising my child in the best way I know how, after analyzing all of his "behaviors," I came to this resolution...I am a damn good mom. I love him with all of my heart. I am raising him the best way I know how. I will never do anything that will intentinally hurt him physically, emotionally, or psychologically. I will go to bed tonight KNOWING (instead of questioning) that I am a great mother to my child!
Rant over. He is 20 pounds and 4 ounces as of yesterday and 27 inches long! He is in the 50th percentile for height and weight - he's perfectly healthy! He has almost outgrown his infant car seat - not according to weight, just according to height. We have to move him to a convertible car seat when he is 2 more inches taller! If it were up to me he would stay in the infant seat until he is 5. Seems safer.
Hope you all have a great day!
No comments:
Post a Comment