The Journey

The journey to the place that we are in now was not an easy one.

I am so unbelievably happy, ecstatic, beside myself, overjoyed, and quite frankly amazed that we have a healthy big boy! It brings me to tears thinking about it.

The journey started in September when I found out I was pregnant - I told Casey one night after he got home from school. I was making dinner for us - spaghetti, I will never forget. That morning we had gotten up and taken a long walk and then went on a short bike ride before Casey had to go to school. I was quite nauseated the entire time, but chalked it up to being hungry. Didn't think too much about it. I went about my day and was still nauseated that afternoon, so, I decided to get a pregnancy test on a whim. I knew I wasn't pregnant. Couldn't be. Turns out those two little pink lines don't lie! It was about 4 in the afternoon when I found out and Casey wasn't going to be home until 8ish, so, I was a wreck by the time he got home! You can't just mention that in passing over the phone.

Over the next few weeks we were getting use to the idea and growing very fond of the little tiny bean that was growing rapidly inside of me. I was growing fond of the few moments where I wasn't vomiting constantly. We went about our daily routines and had planned a trip to Florida before we knew we were pregnant, so, we were getting ready for that when the first scare happened. I was at work one night and realized something wasn't right. I was bleeding. That is never a good sign when you are 7 weeks pregnant. My heart stopped. Crying ensued. I went home that Friday evening and was placed on bed rest until I could be seen in the clinic the following Monday. It was a scary weekend. I was seen on Monday and thankfully our little bean was moving around great in there and looked to be growing normally! We went to Florida, came home, and got on with our lives.

I was so sick. I cannot even describe how sick I was. From the day I found out I was pregnant I vomited almost everything I ate until I was 27 weeks pregnant. A lot of weight loss occurred - 20 pounds in all. I was supposed to be gaining weight, not losing at a rapid rate, but nothing was helping. The one saving grace is that I could keep water down. I drank what seemed like gallons of water a day.

Christmas Eve. I was working and at about 10pm I started feeling bad. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong, but I just wasn't feeling quite right. Thankfully, I work right next to our Labor and Delivery unit in the hospital, so, I went over there on my lunch break and just had them check me out. I was contracting every 2 - 3 minutes. AT 17 weeks pregnant. I panicked, I cried, and I called my doctor. Again, I was placed on bed rest and was told to go immediately to the ER if the contractions got worse or any bleeding occurred.

Christmas Day. That afternoon I started feeling really bad and started having contractions that were painful, so, Casey and I decided it was time to go to the hospital. We were admitted to the Labor and Delivery unit and placed on monitors, had an ultrasound, and I was started on a drug that was to control the contractions. We were told that there was nothing more they could do. The outlook was grim. Thankfully I was not dilated and my water had not broken. The drugs worked well enough that we were discharged the next day and told to make an appointment first thing to be seen in the clinic. I did make that appointment, but I made it with a new doctor that I worked along side in the hospital whose specialty was high risk OB patients. I was definitely high risk at this point. We were seen by Dr. Wendel two days later and he turned out to be exactly who and what we needed.

I contracted constantly from 17 weeks until the day I delivered at 40 weeks. I was on bed rest for 20 of those 23 weeks. And I did it. We did it. I laid on the couch during the day and went to bed at night. My field trips were to the doctor every week or every other. Casey was wonderful - absolutely wonderful. He was my strength throughout the entire process. He was what every woman would hope for and then some in a time of crisis. He cooked, he cleaned, he worked, he tried to make me laugh, he held me when I cried. He was wonderful. I could not ask for a better husband.

After many false alarms and many trips to Labor and Delivery on May 22, 2010 our difficult journey became our biggest accomplishment. Big time. Though the delivery was not what most people would hope for, it didn't matter to us. The only thing that mattered is that we were holding, in our hands, our son. Clay. He was here. He was healthy. Against some pretty weighted odds, he was here.

As strange as it sounds, I wouldn't change a thing. This journey was the most humbling experience of my life. I would not be able to love this little man like I love him had it not been for the whole experience. I look at him in awe every single day and not a day has gone by yet that I haven't shed a tear because I am so thankful that he is in our lives - That I have been given the greatest opportunity to be his mom and to love like I have never loved before. He truly has changed our lives and we will be better people because of him.

I write all of this more for me and my healing, but also to share a little glimpse of our journey. Not for a congratulations, not for a pat on the back, but so all of you can love and appreciate him just as much as we do. I want to remember all of this, every minute of it.