Discharge Instructions vs. Reality

So, I got out the discharge packet we got sent home with when we left the hospital and started reading it yesterday. Yes, I waited until 2 weeks later to start reading what I should be and shouldn't be doing! The discharge instructions went a little something like this...

1. Your baby should eat every 2 - 3 hours if breastfed.
2. You should always place your baby on his/her back or side to sleep.
3. You should never let your baby sleep in your bed/on your person.
4. Newborns should sleep 18 hours a day.
5. Your infant should have approximately 2 stools per day.
6. You should create a night time routine to help transition to sleep.

Okay, that's enough. That gives me more than enough fuel for the following comments - a little dose of reality, if you will, for those of us who have or have had children. Or those of us who live in the REAL world versus the illusive perfect world.

1. My baby eats when he wants to - that means every 2 - 3 hours is sometimes every 2 - 3 minutes depending on his mood/hunger level.
2. He only sleeps on his side or back unless...(see #3)
3. Clay gets to sleep however and wherever he will sleep. That means if he sleeps while on my chest at night, in said bed/couch, that is where he sleeps. We do what we have to do to get sleep so we all stay sane.
4. Newborns probably should sleep 18 hours a day, but I am here to tell you, if they don't want to sleep, they will NOT! Clay may have every intention of sleeping 18 hours a day, but when his little beady eyes are awake, they stay awake. Sometimes for hours and hours at a time.
5. Try "your infant should have 2 stools per day, but in reality will have 23 stools per day while breastfeeding." I, personally, do not mind the poopy diapers, but one should be warned about the amount you might have per day.
6. Routine? With an infant? Who wrote this? Who thought it would be a good idea to try and stress a new mom out by telling her to try and create a routine with her new infant that eats when he wants to eat, sleeps when he wants to sleep, and cries when he wants to cry? Really?? Routine, Shmootine. Maybe at a later date.

So, I am guilty of handing new parents these same discharge papers upon discharge from the nursery with their new, precious little one. And I vehemently agreed with every bit of information I was telling them when I was doing my teaching before they went home, but that was pre-Clay. I now know what we should do versus what we will do to get by, to stay sane. I will still do the same teaching I have done in the past with parents, I will just do so with the understanding that they will, too, do what they have to do when they get home to make things work without judgment.

I say a lot of this sarcastically, but please know that I do keep my child safe. We simply are making modifications where we have to, but with his safety in mind first always.