Gone

Gone are the days when a woman's place was in the home. Raising and nourishing her family. Why? I am not sure. (And for those of you extra-liberated women that are reading this blog - maybe you want to sit this one out. I, of course, am speaking of myself too - well, my previous self. Previous to my husband and my child.)

I have thought about this ever since Clay came into this world. Prior to him being here I worked A LOT. A lot, a lot. 6 nights out of 7 a week typically. And I loved it. Thought there was not much more to life than being blissfully happy with my husband, being able to go and do and spend whenever we wanted (because working that much, well, money was never even given a second thought), and working more. I thought I would be one of those moms that would still want to work just as much, not because I would have wanted to be away from Clay, but because it's who I was. It's who I became. A strong-willed, intelligent, self-sufficient, WORKING woman. It's what I defined myself as. I was proud. A proud nurse.

I have now seen what is truly important in this life. And I ask the question again - what happened to the days where the woman was at the heart of the home? Raising her children and taking care of her husband for a living? Was it because enough became never enough and you always needed just a little more? (A little more clout, a little more money, a little more importance?) Was it because the economy changed and forced moms into working? (Even in the 20s, when times were much harder than we have ever seen, weren't moms staying home with their children?) Was it because moms simply got tired of being and doing it all and needed a break? (Work can sometimes be a break, I know, but at what cost?) Was it because more women were having children out of wedlock and had no other option? I still don't know the answer though all of the above scenarios may have a little to do with it.

Here's what I have figured out - Raising Clay and loving Casey with every part of myself will be the greatest and best and most rewarding job (career) I will ever have. No amount of money or clout could ever replace the fulfillment I have when my husband comes home at night, kisses me, and kisses our little guy. I will always be filled with enough-ness - no matter how little we may have. (And by little I mean we could live in apartment the size of a bedroom with no furniture and I would feel more rich than I ever have in life.) I will never need a break from my family. (I know you may be saying "yeah right, your marriage is only 2 years old and your child is only 10 months," but hear me when I say - I WILL NEVER NEED A BREAK FROM MY FAMILY.) Casey and Clay are my break. The only thing I may need a break from is myself. (Those of you who know me know that this is the truth!)

Am I quitting my job? No. We are in a position where we can make subtle changes to my schedule and Casey's as well that will better fulfill our lives, but I will continue to be a working mom. Eventually? Maybe. Did I ever think I would be "that" mom or "that" wife? No, but I am. And I am excited about it. It's reassuring to me that I will be the best mom and best wife I can be - after all, I now know that is the most important "job" I will ever have. It is the most rewarding thing I will ever do in life. It is what makes me feel like the richest woman on earth. I am thankful that I have this insight and it didn't come after years and years had passed.