Nutrition

So, I am still breastfeeding. I love it. I love that I am providing him all the nutrition he needs for now. BUT...I am having a hard time keeping up right now. I have barely enough in the freezer to last a full day and am finding myself a little stressed about it. (What's new? I know. I have been stressed about breastfeeding since the day I started it, but it has been one of the best things I have ever done. For Clay. And for myself.)

I am not opposed to formula, I am opposed to the emotional toll it may take on me by supplementing with formula instead of purely breastfeeding him. Don't get me wrong, I give him a bottle sometimes during the day while I am home with him, but when he wants to breastfeed, I do that too. (I have to pump sometimes during the day because he only wants a bottle - probably something to do with the instant gratification of the bottle.)

He has only had a total of 2 bottles of formula since birth and I hated doing it. I hated it then because I felt inadequate - it had nothing to do with the actual formula. Now I don't want to supplement because of the emotional attachment I have with breastfeeding him. Even if I do supplement, it may only be a bottle a day and I will still be able to breastfeed him. (Yes, I am thinking out loud here.) And yes, it may have to do with my feelings of inadequacy also. (Crazy, I know. Working on that actively? Yes.)

I had this vision when I was pregnant (don't we all) of being able to produce more than enough breast milk to feed him. (And possibly half of the population of Ethiopia.) In hindsight, it was wishful thinking. It was perfect world, perfect scenario thinking. It was inexperience. It was not realistic. Realistically, I produce exactly what he needs. (Down to the drop.) If I were to pump all the time and not breastfeed at all I am sure I wouldn't be having this supply problem, but I can sometimes be lazy when I am home with him and not want to pump. I also love breastfeeding. I HATE pumping.

I think this will be a non-issue when he starts eating solid foods. (Assuming that he ever will want to.) I know that he will at least be getting nutrition from food as well as from breastfeeding, so, maybe I will not worry as much about him getting enough nutrition. (Yeah right. Again, wishful and unrealistic thinking.)

This is just a thinking out loud post, I guess.