Didn't

Well, I didn't die like I thought I was going to going to work this past weekend. Did I cry? Of course, but only on the way to work. Okay, and a few times at work.

It was extremely difficult to hear babies crying. I have never been able to stand around and let a baby cry, but even more so now. It breaks my heart. I now know that (most) babies don't cry just to cry - they cry for a reason. It truly is their only form of communication of their needs. I know that when Clay cries, it is for a reason. He is either hungry, has a dirty diaper, or is fighting sleep and wants to soothe. He has never cried just for the sake of crying. And the same goes for work. We have babies that may cry excessively, but they really are crying for a reason. They either need their basic needs met or they need to be entertained - some of them are older babies, not just newbies. I made extra efforts to assure that no babies would be crying excessively around me - it truly does make me crazy. The first sign of crying, be it in my rooms or other peoples rooms, I all but ran to see what was wrong. It makes me crazy, not because it makes me angry to hear it, but because I feel helpless. I want to make it all better. I want to fix it. (There it is. I am a fix it person.)

I never want a minute to go by without letting Clay know that I am here, that I will always be here. I want him to know my presence and continue to feel secure that I will not leave. I know that he feels extremely soothed by my presence and I love that. I can only think that it is because we have been so diligent about meeting his needs quickly. We never let him cry just because we are busy or distracted. If he cries we attend to him promptly and usually we are able to figure out quickly what it is he needs or wants. I know that crying will not kill a baby, but I also know that by not letting him "cry it out" we have created a sense of security in our presence.

We never really discussed how we wanted to raise Clay, but I think we are doing a great job so far. We are present. We are in tune with his needs. We are constantly teaching him things. We are not distracted. We have fun every day. We are planning for our future. We don't let him "cry it out." We have created a calm environment for him to live in. We are secure in our relationship. I let him soothe if he needs to soothe. He breastfeeds when he wants to breastfeed. We have a night time routine. We have a morning routine. I don't know what to call the kind of parenting we are doing, or if there is even a label for it, but we are going to call it the "Casey and Lisa parenting style." Clay seems to thrive in it. He is so happy and so calm - it truly is amazing to me how wonderful he is!

This post really didn't have any particular purpose or direction, it was just me thinking out loud on computer keys. I didn't die at work. It was sort of nice to go back to a job that I love. It was good to see people at work that I haven't seen in a long time. It was good for Casey to have time with Clay without me here. I know that I cannot stand to hear babies crying. And I pumped all weekend - while I hate the pump, it produces the results I need to keep Clay fed and happy!