Protection

I have had two dreams, two nights in a row, about protecting Clay from harm. I have been thinking a lot about the whole pregnancy and delivery lately (mainly just to process all of it - it felt like a heavy weight) and how I felt helpless, unable to protect him throughout the entire pregnancy/delivery. (on a side note - I do know that he was being protected, it was just in ways that I may never understand)

In the first dream I was being chased by a very large snake while holding Clay. I was running furiously away, trying to protect Clay from being bitten. The snake bit me in the dream instead and I felt a huge relief until I realized that I probably shouldn't breastfeed him with the venom in my body. Crazy, I know. Maybe the dream was about protection and breastfeeding. Who knows - I could over-analyze it. And probably will.

In the second dream we were all in the car and another vehicle was trying to run us off the road. Casey was driving and all I could think to do is shield Clay when we crashed. We did not have a wreck in the dream, but I was laying over Clay's car seat the entire dream, trying to save him from any harm.

And the worry begins. I know, realistically, I cannot protect Clay from all harm in his life, but I will try. It's our job. It's our duty. And it's a privilege. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to protect and love him after so many months of feeling helpless to do so.

That being said - will I be overprotective? Probably. I will have to put forth a valiant effort to not be "that mom." I want him to experience everything this life has to offer him - I just want him to experience it with a helmet, knee and chin pads, elbow pads, and a full body leather suit on. And possibly a mouth guard.